It's not about enduring the early years it's about letting them reshape you
Naomi Askew
Ramadan is a reminder that we can find peace despite discomfort.
Peace despite the disruption of our habitats. That all peace comes from Allah.
It’s a lot easier to be a good person when you have slept well. When you have had an undisturbed prayer. Gone to the gym. Maybe had your coffee.
We give permission for Ramadan to disturb this, but we are often told to fight the disruption motherhood brings.
Can you focus when you are being hit with a pole by a toddler during Fajr?
If you can still find that peace in Allah in sujood, whilst you have 15kg sitting on your head, inshallah you will not lose it in the marketplace.
If you can retain your gentleness and patience when explaining to a toddler that you cannot eat the strawberry they are trying to ram into your face, you should be able to when interacting with other adults.
We are often told to resist the reshaping of motherhood. That we must fight change, guard our rituals, and that it’s normal to feel angry and resentful.
Islam teaches us that whilst these emotions are normal, they are from our nafs, and they are not meant to go undisciplined.
We are not meant to worship our feelings; we are meant to perfect our characters.
We are not meant to worship ease or our routine. They won’t bring you peace. Only As-Salaam can.
“So whoever renounces false gods and believes in Allah has certainly grasped the firmest, unfailing handhold. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.”
This Ramadan, inshallah, my goal is to stop trying to change my external and focus on my internal, because:
“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (13:11)
Motherhood is hard when you think you can do it by yourself. But hold on to Allah,
And you have “grasped the firmest, unfailing handhold.”
You can’t do it, but Allah can.
My son isn’t preventing my spirituality when he makes prayer difficult.
He is refining my character, renewing my intentions, and reminding me that holding on to Allah is not passive — it requires an active grip on my nafs.
How do you stop yourself from worshipping the ideal and focusing on learning the lessons of this phase of life?